This Caveman Ponders A Tough Situation

Kathryn Buck, a person living way across "the pond" in jolly old England is curious how Cavemen handle being left by their Cavewomen.

The first and best answer is, not well at all.

Being a caveman and having been through being left by a girlfriend and then getting divorces by my first wife, I have been pondering how cavemen deal with breakups and living without a cavewoman.

Cavemen usually tend to consider their cavewomen as prizes when they get them to become their girlfriend or their wife. We see this all the time by cavemen strutting their stuff when they are in the vacinity of their mate or a female they wish to have as their mate. We dress to impress if we really need to achieve our ultimate goal of feeding the group and assisting in the production of more cavebabies.

Cavemen use all their hunting and gathering skills in attempts to lure females into their caves. New cars, expensive clothes and jewelry, nice dating rituals, and an almost non-stop progression of things to bring the female to the cave and to the caveman's bed.

Because their are different types of cavemen, there exist many different ways to deal with the one common set of goals. More "Type A" cavemen like to try to attract several females to their cave. These are more of the hunter type of caveman and they love to show off their females more like those potential cavewomen are like property or "trophy wives."

I am of the more gatherer type of caveman. I still pursued my prey (cavewomen) with almost reckless abandon, but I only attempted one harvest at a time, if you know what I mean.

When the natural progression of events is successfully accomplished, the caveman will begin his life with his cavewoman, bring necessities back to the cave and attempting on just about any and every occasion, to assist in the production of cavebabies.

Unfortunately, real, true cavemen today are being forced to realize that the ways of our ancient ancestors are long gone but as true cavemen, we have a very hard time dealing with this fact.

I would imagine that if all the divorces and seperations and breakups between males and females were recorded, cavemen would far surpass any other type of male in the percentage of failed relationships that occur.

It's in your genes to be the cavemen we are and there is very little that can make us change. Our genetic makeup as real cavemen in the 21st. century creates so many problems that it is very natural to suggest that many females might want to steer clear of us, alltogether.

As I have written before, cavemen by nature are usually silent and/or oblivious to our mate's needs. We are sequentially minded so concentrating on our mate's needs, wishes, or concerns takes the back stage to whatever we are concentrating, at the time. We usually have a much harder time focusing on social skills outside of the hunt or the gathering and that makes our mates very upset, so much of the time.

Again, it is not our fault, we have been like this since we walked on two legs and it is going to take many more generations of cavemen and cavewomen to bring cavemen out of the pre-historic ages.

Ms. Buck wanted to know how cavemen dealt with a breakup, loss of a cavewoman, and what they might do afterwards.

First, we have all seen the results or what happens when cavemen lose their cavewomen. Cavemen get very upset, but we are usually so badly skilled at dealing with the loss and pain of the loss that we usually get very physical and self destructive. Alcohol is a great sensitizer for cavemen's losses, as well as taking things that are not usually meant to be thrown or destroyed, and then throwing things and destroying other things.

Cavemens' communications skills, when dealing with the loss of their cavewomen are not too good as well. We are the loud ones who never seem to be able to state our position in an understandable way. We do sometimes revert to when we were cave toddlers in that, we have tantrums.

Another thing a typical caveman will do is not take "no", "good-bye", "we're through", "it's over" for the true answers the cavewoman states. Many cavemen will keep going back, even when they are told that the relationship is over, and try to use the best hunting and/or gathering skills they still have left in their pockets to try and lure their cavewoman back, even though in their minds, that the relationship should be ended.

Kathryn wants also to know how cavemen can be helped to go and begin looking for another female.

Help is hard to ask for and accept by a caveman. We have been so genetically impressed that we have to hunt for or gather all the answers ourselves, or with the help of other cavemen, it is extremely difficult for non-cavemen to breach our shields and get us to let them help them.

In looking at the breakup between my high school sweetheart and myself, I did the typical job of trying by best to get her back with all the tact of a cow in a china shop. I was a young caveman at the time and still fairly unskilled at many of the traits a confident caveman has.

My first wife fit the absolutely perfect model of a cavewoman to this caveman. She stayed at the cave while I did my hunting and gathering tasks, and she greeted me warmly in all my attempts to assist in increasing the population of our cave. We set lofty goals because that is what "nuclear families" did and we worked very hard, each in our own ways to achieve all the goals that our society demanded we achieve. A new house, two new cars, two great sons/cavemen in training, and all the things that looked important to our neighbors, our nations' caves, and what a perfect family should look like.

I did all the cavedad things like scouting, camping, and training my sons to be good caveboys. But along the way, my wife grew tired of my caveman ways and she went to college and began her working career when our boys grew old enough. I, being the caveman I always will be, found that the mutual goals we set for ourselves were achieved, but her goals and my goals drifted apart after we successfully achieved all that was expected of us for that period of time when we were building our great cave and doing all the things we had enjoyed doing. Having a caveman husband and two caveboys in training also was stressful for my wife to deal with.

It is almost impossible to change a caveman from being a caveman to anything else. Our genetic makeup is so ingrained and formidable, that whoever seeks to help us should always be reminded that to try to change a caveman to anything else, will be fruitless and more than stressful to everyone.

The first wife and I grew so much apart in our lives that she wanted to be free from this caveman and his unchanging makeup.

My breakup with my first wife was not a problem at all once she got through my thick, unchanging skull that I was no longer happy as well. Cavemen can usually be content letting things ride in relationships, even if they are bad, for a very long time. The quest is to never lose your cavewoman. But first wife had the intelligence, nerve, and strength to get me to realize that if both of us were not happy any longer, then why continue the relationship.

We parted as friends and as the parents of the two greatest sons on the planet. She learned her lesson with this caveman and she has not seen fit to try to become intangled with another caveman.

After parting with the first wife, I did what all good, true and real cavemen do and I tried to re-attract my high school sweetheart. I figured if she was my cavegirlfriend once, what would be wrong with having her as my new cavewoman. It was easy for me, I thought, and I wouldn't have to go through so much hunting and gathering that finding a stranger-cavewoman would have caused me to go through.

Big mistake! It is also a mistake made by cavemen all over the world who do not want to start from scratch. High school sweetheart would have nothing to do with this caveman, but I was too stupid to realize that before my feelings and ego were soundly crushed.

So now this put this caveman back into the quest of finding another cavewoman. As you probably know with the cavemen in your lives, we cavemen do not live very well without a cavewoman. Again, I think it is genetic that we must have a cavewoman in our lives for as long as we live. It's not our fault, it is how we are wired.

I didn't seek help from other cavemen or women I knew in trying to find a cavewoman. The folks who knew me, the female types, knew me well enough that they were not interested in any relationship with this caveman.

It took a leap into the real realm of hunting to find my solemate. Yes, I used the personal ads in the local newspaper. "Nice guy, what a curse" was the opening line of my ad. After I wrote about some of my qualities, I got several responses, because it seems, that many women were fed up with the other type of cavemen who either love them and leave them, or try to "acquire" them as hunted trophies for their little black books.

The third woman I had a very informal date with became my cavewoman within days and my cavewife within months. She is the best cavewoman in the world because she understands that I am a caveman and I always will be. We now share our goals together because I have learned a little more about dealing with cavewomen and she accepts my sequential mindedness, even though she still gets mad because I don't listen to her.

I guess if someone who doesn't really understand what a caveman is really like and tries to help them, they may become stressed and upset that they feel they aren't gettin to the caveman they are trying to help. I feel understanding how we are different than other males is the first step in creating ways to help cavemen, even though they will probably balk and any assistance provided to them, I think.

How to market to cavemen a system to help them find their own cavewoman is a task that I am glad I don't have. We cavemen usually like looking at pictures like the ones on Page three and putting a picture of a fast car, a bottle of brew, a really big gun, usually attracts our attention. Dealing with what needs to be done afterwards is a daunting task, I think.

Perhaps finding a group of women who are not the top models or the blondest of females, if you know what I mean, usually gets cavemen who are hold up in their caves to sometimes come out and take notice. Maybe a support group where true cavemen can talk amongst themselves while being listened to by some potential cavewomen might not be so bad. Many true cavemen do not have very high egos especially when they are in between cavewomen. Having models, very successful women, high maintainence females around these cavemen can have them feel bad and not able to properly communicate with these women.

One of the hardest things for a caveman to reveal is their emotions. We are not supposed to have real feelings or express them in any way, especially to other cavemen. Our nature is to hunt, gather, and assist in the creation of more cave babies. Feelings seem to get in the way of our purpose in life, for many of us cavemen, so taking note of that fact, may be quite important in dealing with us.

If this post has helped Ms. Buck or anyone else understand a little bit more about cavemen, then that is good. If I can answer any other question one may have, I'll give it my best shot.

If you remember how we are so very different, then you are one step further along the evolutionary path tham we cavemen seem to still be stuck on.