Christmas 2011, Cavemen and Cavewomen

For what might be the last time for a very long time, my cave family gathered near my cave, to celebrate Christmas.

Here we are. From left to right.

Rainbow Wells, Registered Nurse and younger son Daniel Wells, Paramedic.

Terri Wells, Library Aide, Miraleste Intermediate School and me, 'retired from AT&T'.

Elder son David Wells, in employment transition (also continental transition, too) and Pamela Wells, Travel Agent.

Dave and Pamela were married on August 2, 2011, in Fiji and today was the first time all six of us were together since Dave and Pamela left for their year-long, around the world honeymoon, from Fiji.

They have a blog for their travels at: http://pamelaanddavertw.blogspot.com/ Please visit it.

Rainbow and Dan live in Hesperia, California while Dave and Pamela will return home to Australia at the end of their honeymoon.

I like building things and that it definitely true for Daniel and his wife, Rainbow.

For one of my Christmas presents, Terri gave me a pack of 'Nanoblocks' which are micro size versions of other blocks now on the market.

I was fascinated, but I knew my 56-year old-shaky left hand would have difficulty navigating the construction processes, let alone my old eyes trying to follow the instructions.

I knew for a true fact that Daniel, the true caveman that he is, would marvel at the contents of the little packages and he would appreciate the smallness of the building pieces. He has had great adventures with building pieces since he first held a 'Duplo' and he has built countless things with any number of 'Lego' pieces.

What floored me was how much Dan's wife Rainbow also took to the 'Nanoblocks'. She is one who is also the perfect Cave Wife to a true Caveman.

SHE was the one to grab the package and open it. It was wonderful to watch both of them work on trying to figure out what turned out to be very difficult (and incorrect) illustrations.

They both had their hands and fingers working on putting the tiny pieces together to finish an adult and young-looking Emperor penguins.

They seemed to really enjoy their teamed efforts. On my Facebook page I have a photo of the Subaru rally race car they are building in their garage...together.

Here is the result of their quest to put together the penguins according to the photo on the package. On the right is my hand holding three pieces I know for a fact would never get connected together had I attempted to use my old and shaking left hand.

Of course, every Cave-dad who has at least one Cave-son also has to deal with that son's selection of vehicles.

The issue is compounded when that Cave-son marries a real Cavewoman who shares his 'appreciation' of all things cave-like.

Thus, Terri and I, along with birth moms Lori (Dan) and Ziane (Rainbow), now have the 'opportunity' to 'appreciate' Dan's and Rainbow's selection of vehicles.

It's not so much the kids' Infinity G37 or even the Subaru Impresa, WRX rally racer that is still under construction in the garage that we are watching the kids enjoy.

But added to the new cave family's stable is the (dang) Subaru Impresa, WRX, STI Dan and Rainbow bought. (Hey dad, want to go out onto the dry lake and take it for a spin?)

And yes, it is PURPLE! (I had a 1958 Chevrolet Impala that was also purple.)

But no Dan, I've had my cave-racers and it is time for me to slow down as you and Rainbow speed up. I'll be glad to be an active part of their pit crew for the rally car as Terri and I helped and watched Dan and his former partner Bret win a World Championship for Street Dancing by "Energizer", back in 2000.

While Dan and Rainbow stick close to their cave, that is not currently the case with Dave and Pamela.

Both of them, prior to sighting each other on a safari bus in Kenya, had extensive travel stories they gained separately.

**NOTE TO MOMS AND/OR DADS**

If you have a son that looks like he can be on the cover of "G.Q" magazine or a daughter who could be on the cover of "Brides" magazine, DON'T 'help' them with the opportunity to have their eyes meet, on or near a safari bus, or anywhere else on our planet!

Terri and I, along with Jan and Perry Platt didn't get the note, three years ago.

It's would not be a bad thing at all if the kids met each other and ended up married to each other. It's just the added travel expenses required to visit the new family, whever they settle down.

Dave's caveman joys are reflected in his drive to see and explore so many things around the world. He went from eating very selective foods provided by this cave-dad and Lori, to a menu explorer who eats things I would not even like to read about.

Pamela was also a world traveler as a passion and for employment. She is also an accomplished artist, creating works using several different media.

They have plans to live in Australia where they might open a cafe/gallery where folks can eat and shop at a gallery displaying works by Pamela, her 'mum' Jan and others.

Terri and I will still have lots of opportunities to visit with Dan, Rainbow and our three 'grand-dogs' but visiting Dave and Pamela will have to depend on finances and longer blocks of 'free' time, to travel to Australia and back.

So this Christmas was bittersweet for me. But it is also joyous because I get to watch how successful they both my cave-sons have become and how happy they are married to their beautiful, wonderful, intelligent and gifted wives.

We 'scored' two base-clearing home runs with Rainbow and Pamela.

All four are very adventurous in their own ways and all four display vast amounts of courage and wonder no matter where they are or what they are doing.

Please take a look at "Around the World With Pamela and Dave". It is funny and very informative.

Keep checking out your 1998-early 2001 "Lowrider" magazines for photos about Energizer's build, quest, and success at winning a World Championship.

There are so many more adventures ahead for my cave-family, for which I will be eternally grateful.

Happy New Year!

Yes, I'm an Aspie!

This blog was created and driven by an 'Aspie'.

I have moderate asperger's Syndrome.

I have had it all of my life, so far.

It took decades for me to learn about what an Aspie is and how I am affected and how I affect others.

Being an Aspie is not a bad thing at all, ONCE you learn about it and how to live your life while understanding how different you are from others.

Those I find to be normal I call "normals", "the normals" of some other form to note normalcy compared to Aspies.

Everything I am and do is done by an Aspie and it took a whole heck of a lot of learning to understand the differences in me, compared to the normals I encounter daily.

I am a visual and emotional person, as all Aspies are, no matter to what degree they are dealing with.

Aspies are usually more intelligent than similar numbers of normals and Aspies can be confusing to normals as much as normals continue to confuse 'us'.

I am a very verbal person when I wish to be. The counter to that is that I, along with most other Aspies, do not easily or readily understand verbal instructions coming from normals.

Aspies can learn just about anything BUT NOT when we taught things merely through verbal transmissions.

Show and Aspie how to do something and when they have 'got it' they can usually verbally teach it to normals, but not other Aspies.

One of the biggest 'traumas' incurred between Aspies and normals is when a normal will attempt to instruct an Aspie with only verbal communication. Aspies SEE what normals are attempting to teach them and get quite confused by their own interpretation of what they SEE compared to what the normal is trying to convey.

Show and Aspie. Illustrate something to an Aspie. Draw out what you are trying to teach and Aspie, and we will 'get it' far better than just telling us AND it will lead away from on of the most troubling part of communications between a normal and an Aspie.

Since Aspies SEE, visualize and try to receive information so differently than normals, Aspies easily feel and get overloaded in attempts to translate what is stated to what Aspies can understand.

Aspies are usually hyper sensitive to EVERYTHING! No matter which sense is brought up, Aspies have a keener, more emotional, and greater offensiveness to incoming information, no matter what the source is.

"Too much input" is really a watch-phrase associated with Aspies.

When we feel overloaded, unrealized Aspies can only take in so much before they snap in some form.

Since every incoming sense or stimulus is hyper, we get overloaded more quickly than normals do.

Aspies must self-realize they are, in fact, Aspies. Nobody can 'tell' us we are. Nobody can use 'teach' us we are. Aspies must learn on their own that they are Aspies and only then can they adapt better to normals.

Aspies are usually 'wallflowers' at parties, for several reasons.

The first really huge reasons is that of constant over stimulation in the 'party' environment that Aspies get confused with. Too much noise, Too many people, The smells. The tastes. The overall considerations that 'we' can deal with what normals naturally deal with at most parties.

However, give us a stage at the party and we are off and running.

We don't interact very well with communications within groups of people. We are better off on a one-on-one situations, except for that stage thing.

Aspies SEE and FEEL everything and our memories are just as emotionally bases as is our visual memories of past events, people situations.

I can tell you exactly what I felt and viewed the instance 'Tish' entered my life. I remember what she was wearing, what I was doing at the time, who followed her in and what that person was doing.

'Tish' entered my life on the very first day of Kindergarten in September, 1960.

I can exactly reveal what I was doing and how I felt the instance I headed up the aisle and opened the lobby door and saw 'Susan' for the very first time.

Along with all visual memories, I remember the feeling of the first glance of my future wife, Lori I had, two years before we actually met. My visual, emotional, and thinking memories of our first real meeting are as fresh as memories I created, just yesterday. My first spoken words between Lori and I occurred in 1975.

Aspies do things like that. We remember feelings and thoughts and visuals for a very long time, should we choose to or should those types of memories simply remain far back in our minds.

This is both a good thing and a bad thing for Aspies. With 'Tish' I also remember the day I received a letter from one of her friends she was camping with. I mailed a letter to 'Tish' and found the reply not from her, but from someone else.

I remember when 'Susan' broke up with me and when Lori said she was done with our marriage.

Aspies have abilities to deal with the most positive and surely most negative moments in their lives and normals need to know this so they can interact better with Aspies they know and love.

Aspies don't appear to be "Type A" folks. This is illustrated by the fact that Aspies can be quite comfortable spending time completely alone. Sometimes normals confuse our ability to be alone as something like a rejection. It is not any rejection of anyone when an Aspie has a wonderful time just being alone and even doing absolutely nothing but pondering.

Rage is a real problem for Aspies. Until each Aspie self-learns what enrages them, only then can they alter their internal mechanisms to avoid or lessen the rages that always come up.

I feel the best an Aspie can learn is that there are real reasons we feel rage and there are many ways to learn how to control the rage that usually comes because of over stimulation.

Aspies, even though it might not seem so, are more sequentially-tasking than multi-tasking.

All through this blog are references to my inability to multi-task. On the other hand, when sequentially tasking, Aspies are about the best that can come around.

Multi-tasking in environmental, social and by other means goes directly against Aspies' hyper sensitivity and rage issues.

Normals can't really TEACH Aspies anything. Aspies must individually learn, on their own, what normals wish to teach them. This is also a region where rage and over stimulation become factors. Too many normals seem unable to understand that Aspies learn differently than they learn. Normals too, get frustrated with this.

It is up to the Aspie to teach the normal about the differences, once the Aspie learns that for himself or herself.

One of the best things to learn about Aspies is that they tend to see EVERYTHING as at least somewhat comical or humorous.

One example of Aspie humor that gives many of us glee revolves around the following innocent sentience: "I haven't seen her yet."

To most normals, the sentence is a statement that the talker has not seen the female, for a certain period of time.

To most Aspies, the sentence comes out as the talker has not seen a part of that a particular body part.

Because Aspies visualize EVERYTHING, we tend to confuse things at first. This is another reason why only-verbal instruction does not work well for Aspies.

Since 'we' see everything differently, we sometimes make comments that normals would never consider or regard. Aspies have a greater ability to translate into normal than normals are attempting to translate into Aspie.

Another recent case in point. In a recent Forbes magazine there appeared an article titles; "America's Fastest Roads"

Most normals would see the title and consider roadways that have fast vehicles racing along them.

To an Aspie who has knowledge of other facts, the title means to us something completely different.

I live on a peninsula where there is a .8 mile stretch of Palos Verdes Drive South that is in constant movement due to land slippage in the Portuguese Bend area.

In fact, that portion of the roadbed physically moves faster than any other road, roadway or roadbed in the Western Hemisphere.

So to me, and Aspie, "America's Fastest Road" is the .8 mile stretch of Palos Verdes Drive South and that is what I visualized when I read the title of the article and not anything about vehicles traveling over any road.

The vast majority of writers don't wish to understand that titles and other wording can be taken in very differently than they intended their words to reflect. This is also why so many Aspies find humor where normals just don't see it.

If I had the money to bet, I bet many of the funniest comics today and for so many yesterdays are or were Aspies. To other Aspies who have good self-knowledge about being an Aspie, we can see these folks particularly funny because we can follow their humor to other levels and almost know what they will say next.

Normals seem to marvel at the 'quick wit' they enjoy from many comics. Normals may not enjoy improvisation as Aspies do better with.

There is a true negative condition Aspies appear to have and it is something that does not look good at all or is taken well by normals.

Aspies appear to have a lack of compassion for events or happenings in the lives of others. It has been tested and demonstrated in brain function that Aspies tend to lack some ability to empathise towards conditions of others. We just don't have the brain connections many normals have with this issue.

It's not that we just don't care. Studies have shown that many Aspies don't have the ability to care about SOME things many normals care about.

This is probably an over stimulation issue that Aspies have. It is probably also the most negative thing Aspies 'suffer' that is so difficult for normals to understand.

Many Aspies also have difficulty feeling remorse and/or gratefulness and/or guilt.

It is likely that Aspies' somewhat lack of the ability to have or feel guilt that is one of the toughest things to deal with, with normals.

Our brains seem to 'not get' many feelings associated with guilt, remorse and/or empathy or sympathy. I'll use this as my one 'brain chemical' excuse, in this post.

In the end, Aspies need to self-learn about life as an Aspie. Aspies need to 'own' how they are different than what is considered 'normal' and that Aspies are not bad folks at all.

A Long Dry Spell Must End For Me

This post is written for several of my blogs because I have taken an extended absence from writing on any of my blogs for quite some time.

So much has happened in our extended communities since I stopped writing on the blogs and I want to get back to pondering, questioning, commenting, arguing, and dealing with many issues common to the communities I live in and events and conditions in and around the communities most of my readers live in.

Nothing is more common in all of the communities we all deal with than John and Muriel Olguin. Right now, nothing is more important for all of us in those communities.

Most of us know that a great gentleman, very long into life and even longer in adventures would pass from us, far too soon.

We all knew the day would come that we would make us sad and drive our memories into overdrive.

We all knew none of us can and could measure up to the personhood we all now honor with the passing of John Olguin.

Muriel was and always will be the 'winner' of my writings about our community members who were closer to being "more like John Olguin" than the rest of us. She is in our hearts as she and the rest of us remember John.

Starting 2011 with the new adventure of working on ways to honor John's memory and try to be more like him in the acts of kindness and teachings he showed us, is a task we need to do. It is the first task of what is going to be one heck of a year for all of us.

As we move forward, please include in your visions and dreams the smiles your remember beaming from John's face as he taught you something you didn't know or how he was so happy when you understood how he regaled in your learning.

Let's work towards a public memorial that includes contributions of whatever you can provide to those in need and a clear demonstration that we all 'got' the fascination, wonder, and joy John offered, all supported by Muriel, a true inspiration, artist, and gift to all of us as she was to John.

One way to honor John and all those who volunteered for us is to volunteer to work on issues and projects that interest you in ways that promote those things that benefit 'community'

Not only are your acts, deeds, thoughts, comments, and wishes important, your means of demonstrating those things are also important on many issues you might want to concern yourself with.

Here is just a partial list of things that I am pondering about and I hope your list is at least as long as mine:

John's public memorial, the U.S.S. Iowa, Charter City status and vote in Rancho Palos Verdes, Ponte Vista, SRHS #15, downtown San Pedro, protecting our environment, Western Avenue, community goals, park lands, politics, arts in communities, good citizenship, the local economy, working for those less fortunate, San Ramon Canyon, Marymount's Expansion Project, educating everyone, recession recovery, working for peace, celebrating, family, neighbors and friends, contentious issues, common goals, fun, faith, play, and experiencing a full and productive life. Grandchildren, perhaps someday.

I hope to get back to writing on a much more regular basis on several of these blogs.

I know Ponte Vista is important and should see posts and comments from others throughout the year.

I live on the eastern side of Rancho Palos Verdes. San Pedro in heart, Rancho Palos Verdes in thought. I feel strongly that residents of Rancho Palos Verdes need to be better informed and more able to deal with and comment on their government and city.

There are "Issues to Ponder" regarding San Pedro. It may have a continuing set of problems in its downtown area but it has a growing vibrant aspect in its arts and entertainment and there will be new things popping up in the future throughout the community.

I know that "R Neighborhoods Are 1" and there is more to be considered in our community, for our community, and with our community.

As I am still a caveman, my 'dairy' needs to be updated with stories and learning this caveman has encountered over the last couple of years.

Whether I can manage to work harder to be more like John is something that I don't yet know, but I really need to try.

I hope readers will learn or argue or agree or disagree or ponder or rant or rave or just read. But with all blogs, it is truly more for the writer to write than the reader to read. If that was not the case, there would be no blogs and just look how many there are now compared to when I first wrote, in September, 2006.

Thank you and please return from time to time.

Mark Wells
aka M Richards
mrichards2@hotmail.com