Dairy input for Sunday October 29

Today for me, was a day many caveman look forward to, and usually dread. I replaced a toilet.

Replacing a toilet is something every real caveman should be able to do. It is somewhat simple and if cavemen follow the correct procedures, many tools won't get thrown and not too much cussing should be heard.

I had been dreading changing this particular toilet because it was 57 years old and the original "throne" my father used in the house. It had become too worn out and kept running for too long and leaked like a sieve.

Cavemen particularly enjoy "dismantling" any toilet. O.K. so it is more like beating the living daylights out of something that breaks apart so very easily. It is a fun time to whack the pretty white sides with a hammer and watch the pieces fly all over the place. Smacking the "throne" to death removes a good deal of pent up aggression. The only bummer is that you have to really clean up the debris so nobody steps on the sharp pieces.

As usual, it only took three trips to the home center to accomplish the task. In my way of thinking, if I can get a job completed in less than three trips to the store, I have obviously not done a complete job, or I have forgotten a very important piece of the puzzle. If a job takes more than three trips to the home center, then you probably should have hired a better caveman to accomplish whatever task needed to be done.

Picking out the new toilet was left to this caveman's wife. Being a caveman, all toilets look just about the same to me. If they look comfortable and appear to do the job they are tasked to do, why would I care what it looks like. Mrs. Caveman, on the other hand, had to shop for the "perfect" toilet. She wanted a "best buy" as mentioned in Consumer Reports. She wanted the right height of the tank so it wouldn't be too high next to the sink. She wanted a design that fit into the decor of the bathroom. Please, give me a break! But since I am a good caveman and do not want to have the Mrs. upset with me, I even went to two different home centers on a SUNDAY to pick out the best toilet the Mrs. was looking for.

Installing the toilet is usually an easy task for a true caveman. As the old toilet is removed, cavemen try to remember how they took it out so they can install the new one using sequential steps. There appears to have been an instruction booklet inside the toilet tank's box. Naturally, I didn't read it.

I didn't pay particular attention to the box that held the Wax Ring. That box contained the bolts and nuts to secure the toilet to the flange. So, since I didn't look closely at the box, and couldn't find the bolts and nuts in the bowl box, (I assumed they would be in that box) I had to make another trip to the store to get bolts, nuts, and washers that I already had. Hey, my garage is very typical for a caveman, many extra things laying around because I didn't read the instructions and had to buy items I later found I already had.

I also took my time replacing the toilet. I needed my special time to break apart the old toilet, that was fun! I cleaned around the floor and old flange and got as much of the goopy old wax cleaned up as I could. I took plenty of time installing the new one so I wouldn't need to throw tools around or make myself bleed (well, I almost got away with not bleeding). I also managed to do the entire job without yelling at anything or uttering even the nicest of cuss words.

Many cavemen are very comfortable with one particular toilet. Whether it is in their home, as most usually are, or at their work location, cavemen tend to personalize their "throne." The old toilet was my dad's special "throne". When we would go on trips, my caveman-dad always had his troubles with toilets that weren't his "throne". When we returned from trips, my dad would finally feel most comfortable at home after he used his "throne". Cavemen have caves and sometimes those caves have "thrones." So it was with some small level of sentimentality that I caused my dad's old "throne" to become broken into little pieces.

Will ever I feel that the new toilet might become my "throne?" Only time and constipation will tell.