Merry Caveman Christmas

As this yule season comes and goes, a caveman has certain duties and responsibilities that separate him from the rest of the real world.

Modern cavemen provide many non-cavefolks with sources for great humor and serious frustrations, during the holiday season.

Cavemen enjoy providing their children with gifts they loved to receive when they were younger. What they were given as gifts often times, by their caveman-fathers, are usually passed down in the same manner generation after generation.

When I was four-years old, I got a wooden railroad track and small wooden trains for Christmas. The set was called the Snap Train and Harbor Set.

When my own sons were three and four, it was my turn to give them wooden train sets.

I repeated the same things my father did to me when my sons got their sets.

We dads got to put them together while we sons had to watch and eat breakfast.

It is a caveman thing to take control of the really neat gifts that are given to our cave-children. Cavekids need to learn this at an early age so they accept that they don't get to be the first ones to play with their new toys, and they need to learn to carry on this tradition to their own children.

The simple fact is; if it runs on batteries, gets plugged in, gets assembled, or looks too fun, cavedads get to play first.

Children often receive gifts from their cave-fathers that required assembly prior to the presentation of the gift. Assembly of such gifts naturally fall onto the shoulders of the cave-dad.

Assembling things is usually accompanied by shouts, cuss words, thrown objects, mostly tools, and the inevitable extra pieces that don't seem to have a place to go.

Cavemen have the inherent knowledge that they believe they can assemble anything at any time. Whether this is true or not doesn't really matter. All cavemen know that they can construct, assemble, put together, gather, assimilate, concoct, and produce any and all gifts that will be given at during any holiday or festivity.

I am sure all non-cave people have read this post and noticed one word that is missing when writing about assembling things, and putting together gifts. I know what the word is and I have seen pieces of papers with printing on them, in boxes that contained the gifts to be assembled. I have heard countless times from both of my wives that I should, at least, browse through whatever is written on the papers and pages of booklets that come with the unassembled gifts.

It is not in the nature of cavemen to read printed material that comes with unassembled items. We have a genetic structure that makes us feel terrible if we even glance at printed material of this type. It doesn't matter if we cannot deliver gifts in a timely manner as long as we can avoid the printed materials.

Cavemen have places in their garages or caves for storage of "excess" parts and pieces to items we could have found places for on the items if we had read the printed materials that come in the boxes with the items. So nobody should be worried. All the parts and pieces have places to go. If not in or on the item, then off to storage they go.

I am sure when my sons become cavedads, they will carry on the natural traditions they have witnessed from their cavedad and cavegrandpas. I just hope their wives will be as tolerant as their mother, step mother and grandmothers were....or they can fake it as well as they did!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year from Mark and Terri!